Most people don’t like the idea of paying for sex, and some people downright hate the idea so much they turn that hatred towards the very people who get paid to get them off. As a sex worker, I’ve been on the receiving end of the hate, A bad month full of assholes can really fuck with your head. What gets me, and other sex workers I imagine, past the difficult times is the money. As I like to say, you can kiss my ass, but it’s going to cost you 20 bucks. I go to the gym every day; a neglected body isn’t worth very much to anyone, I need to look good and be fit because I’m a whore. If I haven’t done it yet, it’s because my price hasn’t been met. Yet it’s surprising some times what I find myself doing for a few bills in my pocket. Like french kissing a chain-smoking, steak tartare eating sex-starved septuagenarian with the most disgusting foul breath you can imagine.

On the other hand everyone loves an easy to lay slut, but most people have no respect for them. Only my clients, coworkers and closest friends know what I do for a living. Since most people don’t tend to think of men as whores, I’m often told what someone thinks of fast and free screws. Also, men don’t enjoy a monopoly on this disrespectful attitude, because I’ve met some lesbians that are just as bad as any man, sometimes worse in their degrading disrespect of a floozy.

There is no middle ground between these two attitudes, but at least when someone hates you, they respect you. Despising someone requires an emotional investment, and it’s difficult, if not impossible, to see your opponent as anything less than an equal. Another way to understand the situation is think of it as becoming someone’s obsession and living rent free in their mind. Believe me, they’ll remember your name.

I’ve never been a fan of the “save a whore” attitude. Without doubt, people like me are mentally wired differently than the average person. It wouldn’t be surprising if sex workers were more likely to commit suicide or die of a drug overdose. But I’ve also seen the opposite , and know that just as many of us are capable of doing impossible things Therefore, I’m often inclined to giving a hand up to a fuck anyone slut transforming them into a pay me whore. Admittedly my efforts have had mixed results, leaving me to wondering if whores are just somehow smarter.

Ghost, my business partner and cameraman has often said that friends are expensive, while clients put money in your pocket. The gist of this is that we need to be careful who we call a friend. Someone might be a swinger but regardless of how their relationship is, it’s one thing to fuck your spouse for free but it’s stupid to screw your neighbor just because you like them. Sluts, even when they decide to become sex workers are infamous for doing foolish things like this. Not only does it cost them money, but they also tend to find themselves surrounded by people that happily sing their praises because they’re getting laid. But all too often, these “friends” disappear when the party is over.

As a pornographer, I often get asked to introduce someone to a performer and my response is always the same, “it’ll cost you”. As a meat puppet, I’m not giving away free samples and most people that assume they can take liberties because we are friends end up making some excuse to call me in the future. A handful get perturbed, but to date, no one that I have ever met in a non-professional environment has ever paid me. The only people who pay have always known upfront that I’m sex worker. With others, it’s as if because they’ve come to know me in a non-business environment, learning that I’m a sex worker somehow entitles them to perks and I’m supposed help them fulfill their fantasy by being a nice guy.

So love me because of professionalism and honesty or hate me because I won’t be used, I don’t really care, because one thing is for sure, you will remember me.

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It used to be that I cringed every time I heard the word whore. I have always seen whores as takers and I prided myself as being a giver. Even when I dated, I preferred to pay, not because I was looking for sex, but because I enjoy giving and sharing with others. I have helped friends out lending every skill imaginable, and among friends I neither charged for the help nor differentiated one service from another. Each service is only subjectively valuable, and the only truly tangible thing I am trading is my time and energy.

Where I was raised, most people have a limited disposable income, this is how things are done. Favors are traded like a bartering system and takers are shunned. But in America today things are very different. So many people are looking for a handout without giving in return. It’s all about having the right image and having the right label on a product is what counts. People still want their prestige and luxury, but these days those that can’t afford to pay for it are also unwilling to do something to earn it. It’s no surprise that when you give something away and it has no value, so making someone work for it turns its value into something tangible, and that value is significantly increased.

When I started making porn, rates were pretty standard and there were many production houses. I didn’t feel like a whore, because what I was giving would last more than the time it took to shoot and could ultimately bring many people pleasure. In my quest to make this world a little happier, I haven’t jeopardized my own happiness. But I value relationships and people more than money, thus I have never had a problem sharing myself with people I genuinely liked, or cutting a deal for “friends”, to help with their production costs. Trouble is the most personable people are capable of loving the almighty dollar more than, all too often, even themselves.

Business is business

To say that the business can be cut throat is an understatement, everyone is looking for profit, but very few care to actually work for it What differentiates quality from quantity is foresight and planning. Looking at the video industry, we often see that you get what you pay for in regards to the final product, as production costs including makeup, good sets and lighting can turn a performance from something akin to a webcam show to something that has a dollar value. The producers who find ways to avoid the Internet con artists, freeloaders and mouchers are seeing the larger picture. The cheats want it here and now. Those who pay honestly for something rarely feel cheated and those who cheat to get something rarely see its value. It is a little thing called cognitive dissidence. Even if something isn’t all that great, if enough is invested into it, the mind protects the ego by convincing it that it has gotten something of value, and vice versa, given the size of the egos in the adult industry, it is no wonder that this prevails.

This phenomenon is most prevalent in the classification of talent. With a multitude of performers to choose from, those that adhere to their rates are selected predominantly over those who lower rates based on need. So rare is a break on these premium rates, that a hundred off on a multiple scene booking is toted as a deal. More often than not, a manager intercedes on the performer’s behalf to negotiate, at least until the powers that be have decided that they have invested too much into the talent, for the performer to be anything but first rate. Ultimately what makes talent popular is their marketability, what makes them sell is their promotion, what promotes them is someone who has invested heavily to have them as part of a project; all in the quest to be getting their money’s worth.

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