I probably should be writing about some of the truly serious issues facing the porn industry today. You know, stuff like the rape accusations against Peter North or Ron Jeremy. But instead, I’d like to take on a subject that I find more interesting: The evolution of a meat puppet.

I can recall when Hamilton Steele first revealed himself as a hopeful meat puppet. Up to then, he was simply his wife’s suitcase pimp. And as suitcase pimps go, he was nothing extraordinary.

Photo #1 depicts Hamilton as the hopeful, would-be meat puppet. Please note the fashionable hair style—Hamilton’s sporting a combination mullet and “bob,” with accompanying bangs. And it’s not just a mullet—it’s a northern mullet! The difference between southern mullets and northern mullets is the lack of “feathering” of the hair in the northern mullets. While an California hair stylist will generally try to “feather” the short hair on the top of the head with the long hair at the back of the head, northern stylists simply put a bowl over the victim’s head and cut everything off except the back hairs. You might also notice in this photo Hamilton’s general lack of muscle tone. I guess those long, winters offer few opportunities for exercise other than lifting a bottle of beer to one’s mouth or rigorously working the TV’s remote control.

In Photo #2 we can see the evolution begin. By this time, Hamilton has probably participated in a sausage-fest or two, i.e., a couple of cheapo gang-bangs and/or bukkakes and, therefore, is ready to start developing his own, unique, meat puppet image. While there’s still little or no muscle tone evident, Hamilton assumes a pose that attempts to pretend he has a manly physique. Note also that, although the mullet remains, it appears to be something more like a southern mullet– he no longer sports bangs (his hair is pulled back in the front), and it appears to be somewhat “feathered.” This, of course, makes sense. It would be costly to fly clear across the country simply for the purpose of seeing his hair stylist put a bowl over his head and re-style his northern mullet. The most obvious change, of course, is the addition of the (sexy and sinister) goatee and what appears to be a general darkening of all the hair on his head. You might also notice that there is an emergence of chest hair where none seemed to exist before.

Photo #3 captures the aftermath of some serious meat puppet evolution. The hair on the head is now shaved. The goatee remains; and remains dyed black. The photo now looks professionally shot. The addition of a bimbo-in-bondage also shows thoughtful planning in putting forth a macho, meat puppet image.

Photo #4 indicates the total transformation to a meat puppet for the new millennium. It’s as if he’s saying, “I don’t need some bound bitch to prove I’m macho!” The head remains shaved, the sinister goatee is still there, but now Hamilton’s added some very trendy sunglasses and, of course, the black, open-collared shirt and the cocky tilt of his head speaks volumes about the Hamilton Steele, raw-male-animal, mystique.

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