It should go without saying that it’s sad times when something like this happens and that my most sincere prayers are for the souls of the victims and heartache of their loved ones. May God’s justice prevail in this crazy world.
As these incidences become more and more commonplace, we can no longer ignore how fucked up things have become. Electronic gadgets, innovations, government interference and corporate controls have complicated people’s lives to the point of saturation. Because like the scared dog that bites, it’s men losing their position and allowing modern comforts to weaken his resolve, that we arrive at these troublesome times where people either snap or become exploited victims. To uncomplicate our lives, we guys need to get back to the basics of understanding our manhood.
Embrace traditional masculinity
Whatever happened to the good old days when if you had problems you just drank a bottle of Wild Turkey, fucked a couple of hookers and then pissed on someone’s tires? It used to be part of a man’s genetic code to know that no problem was so big that it couldn’t be solved by a little alcohol, sex and public urination. I mean, just look at the Amish, now those guys know how to be men. Not only is mixing moonshine, pussy and pissing on someone’s horse a coping strategy; it’s also a recipe for success. The Amish are the fastest growing religion in the United States and that’s because no one wears a fucking condom when they’re drunk.
Being a man is accepting the fact that we’re a horny and violent species. Fortunately, our Creator provided us with a pathway to peace. Anyone that’s been to Lancaster, Pennsylvania and spoken to Mordecai knows exactly how to be peaceful. Ladies, you need to read this too, because according to Mord’s wife, Magdalen, you play an important role in pacifying men because you provide the tits and minge.
The Amish way to be a peaceful man
Grow a beard. After going on a bender does anyone truly feel like looking in the mirror and shaving? Fuck No because you know you look like shit. The only thing you have to do is keep your upper lip clean shaven because if you’re drinking out of a glass it gets in the way and women are always trying to get a their men to use glasses. Plus it’s the moustache part of the beard that makes a woman bitch when you suck face with them or eat their pussy.
Throw out your wardrobe. Buy 4 pairs of long black pants, 3 long sleeve black and dark blue dress shirts. Dress shirts because you might have to go somewhere important. (Like court) and 2 different colors because at some point a woman is going to squawk that you need to change your shirt. Plus you should get yourself suspenders because they’re easier to put on and take off when you’re drunk and have to piss or fuck. Suspenders will also work no matter the size of your beer-gut.
Here’s an important hint. Make your woman wear unattractive simple dresses that hide everything from her neck down to her ankles. The reason is that there’s always going to be some fucker with a bigger cock than you got. So, if you don’t want your woman potentially getting plowed by a monster dick, then dress in a way that Godzilla doesn’t even notice her. On the other hand, if your girlfriend/wife whines about not having anything sexy to wear, just stick some kind of hat on her head and quote bible verses.
Learn to work with your hands. Let’s face facts for a moment and admit that it’s thinking that causes all the problems in our lives. A little bullshit is tolerable, but as it grows so do our basic violent instincts. Simple male logic is that you kill the problem and the problem goes away. It’s smart people that are the ones that cause all the problems in the world and that are making your life shit. Also women are hard wired to lust after men who can provide, and that pussy gets wet when she sees a man building stuff with his hands. Build her a house and she’ll be wetter than Lake Placid. Honestly, I don’t want to guess what kind of weird sex an Amish barn raising will get you.
Learn to enjoy hairy pussy. From the time a woman wakes up until she goes to bed, her brain is busy analyzing everything and anything. To make matters worse, they’re all self-conscious, crave huge amounts of attention and are highly competitive and contemptuous of any woman that looks better than they do. This means that the best way to keep your girlfriend/wife happy and supplying you with hot sex is by: 1. Heaping loads of attention on her; regular fuckings and as many kids as you can tolerate 2. Make her feel emotionally secure that she’s not in competition with other women., by munching down on her hairy taco she knows that your head is not turned by some slut with a shaved snatch.
Finally get rid of your car. Get a horse, because you’ll never get a DUI no matter how drunk you are and you can pass out in the back of the wagon because the horse knows the way home. The Amish have had self-driving carts for generations! They’re also self-replicating, so when you’re ready for a newer model just let your stud go out and find his own nag. Elon Musk can shove his electric smart cars up his ass because you can’t get greener than something that uses grass for fuel and emits fertilizer.
Today’s young men need to rediscover their inner masculinity by learning the Amish ways. In fact I think I’ll see if Jordan Peterson wants to work on a new book about Amway living. We’ll call it 12 rules of Masculinity without Murder and I’m sure it’ll be a life changing best seller.
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